Homosexuality:

What roles do

parents play?

By Richard Flaste

NEW YORK

• New York Times

What is the influence of parents on the development of homosexuality in children?

The viewpoints of authorities in the field range from certainty about the origins of homosexuality to complex, unremitting doubt. These days expressions of uncertainty appear to be growing.

Since much of the research has been done with boys, there is even less known about girls, although many assume the situation is similar.

One psychiatrist who does sound certain of the causes of homosexuality, in boys at least, and what to do about it is Dr Irving Bieber. His unequivocal assertion, "The family is the architect of homosexuality." is widely heard and often disputed.

Bieber told an interviewer he could look at family relationships and determine some children would become heterosexuals while others would be "a risk" as potential homosexuals.

He said in every case where a child might be heading toward homosexuality, the father was either coldly detached or openly rejected his son. (He maintained this was true even when, once grown, the children insisted on describing their relationships with their fathers as affectionate.)

For the most part, the mothers were overly intimate with their boys, overprotective and usually preferred the sons to the fathers.

Bieber said such a pattern led to a child's doubts about himself and isolation from friends of the same sex. Timidity resulted in teasing from other boys and a fear of competing for the sexual affection of girls. The frightened adolescent then retreats to the "safety" of homosexuality.

Homosexuality, in Bieber's view, is heterosexuality "derailed." Once a school-age child's natural sexual growth appears thwarted, as evidenced by the pattern Bieber outlined, he urges psychiatric consultation to seek a possible remedy through work with the child and parents. If the child "at risk" does happen to find heterosexual friends, they may prove therapeutic, helping to counteract the influence of the family, Bieber 'said.

More complex views of homosexuality were offered by Dr. Judd Marmor, a psychiatrist at the University of Southern California, and by Dr. Richard Green, a psychiatrist, at the State University of New York at Stony Brook.

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Marmor, instrumental in swaying professionopinion away from: the conviction homosexuality is a mental illness, said if parents wanted to raise a heterosexual child, the kind of family Bieber prefers is "very important."

"It's very important for the father to provide a boy with a good, loving, masculine identification figure," Marmor said. "The mother should provide an affectionate and loving relationship but not a binding or seductive one." For girls, he said, a caring father might be just as important as for boys.

That kind of family won't guarantee a child will grow up as a heterosexual, Marmor said.

"I believe there are many factors that we can't always control or predict," he said. A boy might be born with a temperament or physical limitations, such as poor coordination, that seem to make it difficult for him to associate with friends of the same sex. Even some gregarious athletes have been described as homosexual.

Buttressing Marmor's observations, Green illustrates how difficult it can be to isolate the cause of homosexuality in the family.

For example, he said, a distant father might be said to be the cause of homosexuality in his child but at the same time a boy inclined toward homosexuality might find his father growing increasingly distant.

Green sees his own research with homosexual parents who raise heterosexual children as further support for questioning the role of the family in causing homosexuality.

Nor does he think those who argue for a physiological basis for sexual orientation have yet proved their case.

"The most one can say about the genesis of homosexuality is that it remains unknown,” he

said.

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Green does feel it is possible to identify children who are more likely than others to become homosexual. He said many, although far from all, male homosexuals describe their grade school years as having been a time when they preferred the clothing, toys, activities and companionship of girls and in some cases, they say they felt they would have liked to have been girls.

He thinks children displaying this total picture not just isolated parts of it could be helped by psychotherapy, even though Green does not see homosexuality per se as a mental illness.

If therapy helps a boy feel more comfortable as a male and helps him avert the relentless teasing of his peers, "that would be justification enough," Green said. Given the "irrational prejudice" toward homosexuality in the society, he said, "It's difficult to ignore the fact long-range potential conflict might be reduced."

In light of that "prejudice," a number of psychiatrists and psychologists found it ironic parents often seemed to be telling children the parents feared heterosexuality even more than homosexuality.

Dr. June Singer, an analyst in Chicago whose recent book, is "Androgyny" (Anchor Press, $8.95), said "One of the things parents do is tell

little boys to stay away from little girls, and they tell girls not to let a boy come near them." The parents encourage deep relationships with children of the same sex, she said.